CBS switched us to Georgia Tech-UNLV. Our announcers? Jim Nantz and Billy Packer! "(BLEEP) YOU!" House screams at the TV. Well, then.And some other random thoughts:
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House on Packer-Nantz vs. Raftery-Lundquist: "You know what the difference is between the broadcasts? Raftery and Lundquist actually like basketball." Hey, I didn't say it.
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With UNLV winning by 11, Billy Packer describes Georgia Tech's offense as "directionless." That's a nice way of saying, "What the hell is their coach doing?"
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Packer is dissecting this UNLV game with the giddiness of Dr. Michael Baden walking us through an HBO autopsy. Billy, loosen up! It's a good game! It's March Madness! Could somebody pour some Patron in his sparkling water please?
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A UNLV player named Michael Umeh (pronounced "oooh-may") makes a jumper to extend their lead to seven, leading to this exchange:--Nantz: "Ooooh-may ... yes! (Two-second pause while he debates whether to engage Packer.) You know what Dick Enberg would say for Umey?"
--Packer (monotone): "Oh, my?"
--Nantz: "Oh, my."(Three seconds of awkward silence.)
North Texas leads by five. Meanwhile, we just spent the last few minutes trying to figure out where else in life the possession arrow could work. JackO thinks they should use it in the Middle East. "The possession arrow for the Gaza Strip points to … Israel!"
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Four minutes of the UNLV-Georgia Tech second half elapses before they remember to switch us back to the game on the UNLV-Georgia Tech channel (they were showing the Memphis game for some reason) … and, of course, they're in commercial. This seems like a good time to mention that I'm paying $69.95 to see every minute of every game of March Madness. "Greg Gumbel just squatted on us like Azamat," House says in the Borat voice.
(If you're a DirecTV & Mega March Madness subscriber, I'm sure you can feel the Sports Guy's pain.)
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Clark Kellogg tells us that G-Tech "has the horses" to catch up to UNLV. "Too bad they don't have the jockey," House says. He's on fire this morning.
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Here's our script for the next OnStar commercial: "Hey, I'm trying to find somebody's house ... it's a girl I just met online ... I need to get there soon because her parents are out for three hours ... I have a 12-pack and two joints with me ... can you use your satellite technology to make sure Chris Hansen isn't there?"
1 comment:
Billy Packer & Jim Nantz did the Wisconsin game earlier this afternoon ... They were euphoric when Texas-Corpus Christie jumped on the Badgers early. Packer's knowledge of basketball is still enthralled by run & gun - helter skelter teams, rather than by teams that play focus on defense, teamwork and precision. They were very quiet announcers at the end of the game when the Badgers style won out over over Packers run & gun favorites.
As for CBSs run&gun style of game coverage - that old bounce you here and bounce you there - while fans are trying to watch their team's game is absolutely ridiculous.
Badger fans watching their team come back from 18 points down had to sit through back to back time outs in the (who cares) Notre Dame - Winthrop game and then through free throw after free throw and an OT in another (who cares) Creighton vs Nevada game while the Badger game ticked down.
I hope some other netwwork gets the NCAA coverage next year. CBS sports announcers and Greg Gumbel suck.
Irked in Madison
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