Monday, July 20, 2009

Chuck Norris

I always enjoy some good Chuck Norris jokes:
  • When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
  • Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion, now Neo is “The Two”.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet, water gets Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris always knows where Waldo is. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is so hard to find.
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
  • Every year on his birthday Chuck selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • When Chuck Norris Does Long Division there is Never a Remainder
  • When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swipe a card at an ATM, He just stares and the ATM empties itself.


  • In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records appendix it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  • When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
  • Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  • Chuck Norris keeps a pillow under his gun.
  • Chuck Norris plays Russian Roulette with a full CLIP and wins.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • Chuck Norris can fry ants with a magnifying glass. At night.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t love Raymond.
  • Superman has Chuck Norris PJs.
  • Chuck Norris can make a snowman. From rain.
(HT: Vitamin Z)

Thoughts On Parenting

Vitamin Z shares some thoughts on parenting while observing a little girl and her mom in an airport. After telling the story and his first thought on the details of the story, he writes the following:
2. Kids are crying out for discipline. It's almost as though this little girl loves the give and take dance of her lashing out and her mother quietly trying to tell her to sit down. I believe that kids instinctively know that they need to be lovingly disciplined. It shows attentive care for them. You can see it in this little girl's eyes when she freaks out at her Mom that she is just waiting for her Mom to do something and continues to push it until she get some sort of reaction.

3. Kids will take as far as you give them. Sin runs deep in all of us and if we don't model God's disapproval for sin we do them a grave disservice. "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." Prov. 22:15.

4. The way to keep your child in check has to start at the home. If you want to manage your children well in public you had better be sure to manage them consistently at home, especially since you might get slapped with a lawsuit if you attempt to spank your child in public. I am not comfortable with spanking my kids in public, but my children know for sure that Dad will follow through when we are in the appropriate context. Your kids have to know that your words mean something. If you never follow through with what you say you are going to do then you simply become a liar in their eyes.
Read the whole post here.