Thursday, July 19, 2007

Bad Things Are Bad

From the Onion:
AMES, IA—In an effort to jump-start a presidential campaign that still has not broken into the top Democratic tier, former Sen. John Edwards made his most ambitious policy announcement yet at a campaign event in Iowa Monday: a promise to eliminate all unpleasant, disagreeable, or otherwise bad things from all aspects of American life by the end of his second year in office.

"Many bad things are not just bad—they're terrible," said a beaming Edwards, whose "Only the Good Things" proposal builds upon previous efforts to end poverty, outlaw startlingly loud noises, and offer tax breaks to those who smile frequently. "Other candidates have plans that would reduce some of the bad things, but I want all of them gone completely."


Anonymous said...

I'm sold. Can I vote now? This guy is going to save the world! I've never known someone who could fix all of the bad things before! Cool.

Must say, that photo is hilarious on its own - him, standing beside "Bad Things are Bad." Yes, Mr. Edwards. Hmmm...better stop the thoughts right there. ~J in the UK

Jeremy said...

Some things are good, some are bad. Some things seem good, but are actually bad, while some are bad, but don't seem too bad and may actually have some components that are good. Michael Jackson is bad, or maybe he just used to be and now appears worse than he was, I'm not sure. The Washington Redskins are bad, but they used to be good. I'm good in a bad way and bad in a good way. I'd like Edwards to get started right away so can make sense of it all. I'm sure he can tell me what is bad and what is not. That would be good, no wait, that would be bad. I guess I will not vote for him. Good.